dilemma

I have a quiz in Hebrew tomorrow and lots of vocab I don't know. I also need to have a statement ready on Friday for a paper about which I am at an almost complete lost. I should also be doing some Greek.

Instead, I've been looking at the class schedule for next semester, and questioning why I am studying what I am studying, why I want to study other things, and what it all means in the end. Here's my problem. There are two Greek classes I want to take (Hellenistic poetry seminar and Orators), Hebrew, New Testament, Religious Violence, and Greek and Roman Religions. Each of these classes is 3 credits. I can only take 14 credits. I am currently taking 14 credits, and I think if I do it again my head will explode. But I really want to do Orators. And I really want to do the poetry (because I'm thinking we would read parts of the Argonautica, and that would be sweet). I have locked myself into Hebrew, and I like it, but I'm having a hard time seeing how it's related to everything else, because I don't have time to take anything religious, and I really just want to read Greek. Then again, I looked at some Latin today for this paper that I'm confused about, and now I want to read Latin. But I also want to learn Hebrew, and I also want to study Religious Stuff and Things...

and so I am at a loss. And then sometimes...most times...I want to go get on a plane and move to Berlin. But still study all the above-mentioned Stuffs and Things.

In other news...there is no other news. This is my life. I'm going to go learn Hebrew now.

excitement

Riding home in the sunset with the moon out and the bright red leaves and yellows and greens along the river down below where you forget you're in a city for a minute and the air runs past and it's cold and fresh and you remember there's a world out there and it is good...that was my excitement for the day. It's finally, officially, wonderfully fall -- the leaves are changing and falling, that smell that seems to come all of a sudden one fine day every year has arrived, and the chill in the air that generally comes along with it has definitely hit. (I should probably close my window.) This makes me exceedingly happy. It means it will snow sometime in the not-too-distant future, and there will be cider and hot cocoa and cuddly sweatshirts and slippers, and Thanksgiving and then Christmas. And Christmas means I will have finished my seminar paper. And when I will have finished my seminar paper, my heart will be joyous and light and nimble as a young fawn leaping through a wood near a stream shaded by the rosy-blossomed shoots. (...I may have been reading too much Lyric lately...point is, I can't wait.)

Much as I'm enjoying most of my classes, the stress of this whole "coming up with something at least decent to write a 20 page paper on" thing is making me wonder if I want to devote myself to a life of perpetual self-doubt. You'd think I would have figured this out before starting grad school...but I guess I thought that being accepted and offered money would permanently dispel the self-doubt. Alas, I was young and foolish, and I have learned the error of my ways. Or some such. On the up side, though, Hebrew rocks my face off, Greek is still amazing, and I might get to go dig in the dirt this summer in some exotic far-off land...which would be pretty sweet. And this guy said "how do you do?" as I was walking up the stoop of my apartment building. Not a head-nod, not "howdy", but all out "how do you do?" I heart small pleasures.